The Reality Of Adult Friendships

20 Nov 2016

The Reality Of Adult Friendships

If I had to pick one thing that sucks most about this adulting business, it wouldn’t be commuting or office politics or the amount of annual leave we’re given (I’m gonna need at least twice that thanks pal) or the fact that when you curl up into a ball and close your eyes, the huge pile of laundry still needs doing when you open them again.

It would be the reality of what 'being an adult' does to your friendships. I.e. that the amount of time I get to spend with my best pals has become so small that I need a flippin’ microscope to see it. 

Here’s a selection of places where some of my favourite people live: Edinburgh, Liverpool, Bath, Derby, NEW FUCKING ZEALAND.

Yeah, exactly. 

I don’t miss being a teenager, I don’t even miss being a student anymore, and I certainly don’t miss being newly graduated with about 3p in my bank account. But I do miss the absolutely dreamy friendship scenarios that came with those periods of life. 

I grew up with some truly solid friends. I mean, I’m not saying there weren’t ridiculous arguments about boys and who-bitched-about-who and omg why does she walk like that (why are teenagers so petty and cruel eh?). I know there were times when my friends probably slagged me off and I know there were times when I did it right back. Cos that kinda shit is stuff we all have to go through when growing up right? But, despite this, from the age of nine I always had my girls. My friendship rocks. We’ve grown and changed, bitched and cried, laughed like you wouldn’t believe and always bloody been there. And they still are. Right at my (metaphorical) side at all times. 

And then there were the utter babin’ people I met outside of school, mainly through my theatre group (where I stayed for like ten years cos that place was <3<3<3). The amount of memories I have with those guys. I bloody miss the sheer amount of fun we had, mostly whilst sat on a bench on the village green eating chips cos lol, there ain’t much else to do in a country village. 

Going to uni was exciting, but the biggest wrench was suddenly not seeing the people I’d seen every day for nine years. But hey, I got ridiculously lucky again and spent three years with some utter gems. 

But life after education is not the same. It’s better in so many ways but adult friendships are a lot less effortless. 

I miss the effortless days. I miss sitting on the village green bench and I miss seeing the girls every day and I miss living on top of each other at uni. I miss never needing a catch up and constantly knowing every detail of each other’s lives; I miss the random, unplanned fun that comes from living close by and I miss texting those people and being like what are you doing RIGHT NOW LET’S GO GET A MCFLURRY. 

Cos none of this happens when you a) live far apart and b) work full time. I never realised that schedules would impact on friendships just as much as distance, if not more. 

And don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad we’ve all followed our hearts and gone where we wanted to be. And shout out to WhatsApp and FaceTime in these scenarios. But nothing beats actually physical time with your people. 

Organising to see people these days has to be done about six months in advance and, when there’s a group of you, with the planning of a military operation. 

There are benefits of course; when you do see them, it’s like Christmas just landed on your doorstep and you get to go to new cities and spend all weekend eating all the cheese. 

But, sometimes, it feels like nothing can replace that pop-round-for-a-natter-right-this-second culture and boy do I miss it.