31 Dec 2020
2020: Reflections & Favourite Photos
I’m a sucker for reflecting and planning at this time of year, but planning for 2021 is frustratingly impossible right now and I’ve had a real urge to ignore any kinds of reflections on 2020; my first instinct is to not focus on the tattered plans and memories that should have been or the mental health that deteriorated. Why relive the cancelled Christmas, two lockdowns, three cancelled holidays, four cancelled weddings, the abundance of anxiety, frustration, so many different kinds of grief and – if we’re honest – boredom?
Inevitably though, I started going through my photos from the last 12 months and, whilst there were a lot less than 2019, I was surprised by how many happy moments there were. So, despite my resistance, I ended up reflecting and looking back anyway.
I could only briefly bring myself to look at plans I wrote at the beginning of the year but it appears my thoughts for 2020 included travel, an alien amount of social engagements, more time dedicated to calmness and less time on my phone. Needless to say, none of this happened. There was a lot of ‘just surviving is enough’ stuff circulated online this year and yet I’ve noticed rather a lot of lists-of-achievements doing the rounds on social media in the last couple of weeks. People who achieved all their goals for the year or people who just managed to achieve a lot in general, all regardless of Covid. And hey, great to celebrate achievements and all that. But if you need to hear it: I have no idea what I’ve achieved this year unless you count lying in a heap as an achievement.
But even when everything felt really, really dismal, there were shiny, joyous moments: sunshiny walks, happy days at the beach, jumping in ballpools, seeing our favourite band live, a stay in the Hoxton Hotel, my best pal asking me to be his best wo-man, a brand new kitchen, restoring my Grandad’s chair and all the work and love we have poured into our house, blossom trees, so much baking and cooking, video calls with my girls, celebrating our first wedding anniversary in lockdown, two summer trips to London filled with cats, babies, good food and favourite friends, a stag do, glamping in Norfolk, stargazing and BBQs and firepits, mini breaks in the Cotswolds & Cambridge, savouring the moments where we could see family & friends in person, pink cotton cloud skies, the most beautiful actual real-life wedding, pub gardens, baby cuddles, hot chocolates and twinkly fairy lights.
This year, more than ever, I have appreciated that people are more important than anything else no matter what latest achievement or goal society pushes upon us. I have appreciated the importance of the little things, of the hug and the tiny gestures and little parcels in the post from friends. I have appreciated sunshine and the seaside and the therapy of kneading dough in a way I have never done before. I have appreciated my lovely home and my bloody marvellous husband.
I’m also proud of the work we’ve done on our house, proud of friendships maintained despite a year apart, proud of working in a role and for an organisation that supports the NHS and improves patient care, proud of finally nailing the perfect bread loaf (it really is the small things), proud of not losing our damn minds. And proud of all key workers who have kept us all going despite a shit government. I bow down to you.
Looking through those photos, I remembered that we survived and there were many moments of joy so I pulled out all the photos that made me smile from each month of this crap year and put them altogether and that is what I am going to choose to remember and focus on.
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January |
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February |
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March |
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April |
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May |
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June |
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July |
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August |
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September |
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October |
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November |
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December |
Happy new year all, and here's to an improved 2021 x
6 Dec 2020
The Books I Read In Autumn
As I write this, the fog is thick and heavy outside and the house smells of orange chocolate cookies recently baked. It feels the perfect setting to write about cosying up with a good book. Here’s what I’ve been reading recently:
Rodham by Curtis Sittenfeld
“The margin between staying and leaving was so thin; really, it could have gone either way.”
What if Hillary Rodham had never married Bill Clinton? The ‘what ifs’ are enough to write an entire book. I found the first section of this a tad slow and occasionally annoying (mostly cos Bill comes across like a right prick and you were desperately hoping she’d leave him) but the final two thirds pacey and addictive. A fascinating reimagining of how history could have gone.
Blurb: Smart, diligent, and a bit plain, that's the general consensus. Then Hillary goes to college, and her star rises. At Yale Law School, she continues to be a leader- and catches the eye of driven, handsome and charismatic Bill. But when he asks her to marry him, Hillary gives him a firm No. How might things have turned out for them, for America, for the world itself, if Hillary Rodham had really turned down Bill Clinton?
Olive by Emma Gannon
“You must remember that no decision is ever really the wrong decision. Because it’s the decision you made at the time. Respect your past self and her choices.”
Probably the first book I have ever read about a woman contemplating the decision to not have children. Which makes it an important one in my eyes as I think the discussion should be much more open. But I also loved that it’s about life-long female friendships and maintaining these friendships even when life takes you in all sorts of different directions. Really enjoyed this one.
Blurb: Moving, memorable and a mirror for anyone at a crossroads, Olive has a little bit of all of us. Told with great warmth and nostalgia, this is a modern tale about the obstacle course of adulthood, milestone decisions and the ‘taboo’ about choosing not to have children.
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
“Aim to be the truest version of you. Embrace that you-ness. Endorse it. Love it. Work hard at it. And don’t give a second thought when people mock it or ridicule it. Most gossip is envy in disguise.”
I have yet to find anything that Matt Haig has written that I don’t love. This book appears to start out very grim with an attempted suicide but do bear with because it’s actually a safe and cosy book, filled with messages of hope intertwined with a magical plot. One to be re-read for sure.
Blurb: Between life and death there is a library. When Nora Seed finds herself in the Midnight Library, she has a chance to make things right. Up until now, her life has been full of misery and regret. She feels she has let everyone down, including herself. But things are about to change. The books in the Midnight Library enable Nora to live as if she had done things differently. With the help of an old friend, she can now undo every one of her regrets as she tries to work out her perfect life. But things aren't always what she imagined they'd be, and soon her choices place the library and herself in extreme danger. Before time runs out, she must answer the ultimate question: what is the best way to live?
3 Dec 2020
Little Festive Things To Do At Home
I made the mistake of reading through a couple of old blog posts from this time of year. Full of Christmas markets and pubs and friends and all the London lights. Man we didn’t know how lucky we had it did we?
2 Dec 2020
The November Highlights
Ah Lockdown 2.0. Just like last time only with less novelty, less patience, less sunshiny walks. Yeaaaah, the less we linger on it, the better I say. Needless to say, this will probably be a short one which is ironic given this month lasted approx. 2000 years.
22 Nov 2020
Photo Diary | Autumn, According To My Phone
The temperatures have edged over into ‘cor it’s cold’ and the trees are bare and spiky; winter is here. And so the camera roll full of orange leaves and, well, more orange leaves will merge into excessive photos of fairy lights and my Christmas tree (currently having the annual battle of when-it’s-acceptable-to-put-the-tree-up in our household). For obvious reasons, Autumn has been quiet but there still seems to be an abundance of conkers, pumpkins and moody sky shots hanging around on my phone:
2 Nov 2020
The October Highlights
Alright, I admit it. This is hard to write. I feel bleak. The world feels bleak. I’m not sure how much more bad news I can take, both personally and via the news. Another lockdown looms, we’ve cancelled another holiday (why do all my holidays seem to fall the week after a lockdown is announced?) and even the prospect of Christmas isn’t giving me the usual happy feels because none of us know what the heck is going on.
So yeah. That’s where we’re at. But I’m gonna try and squeeze out the little joys from the last month anyway, in the hope it makes me feel marginally better.
Out & About
I feel like I’ve spent a lot of the last few weeks wandering around my local bookshop (which, incidentally, is one of the best bookshops) like some kind of comfort blanket. We’ve also had chance to see a handful of friends and family, have a little date night at the pub and a lovely Sunday roast in rural Norfolk where there was an abundance of conker trees. I’m already mourning the loss of these little things.
23 Oct 2020
An Autumn Mini Break In Cambridge
Pre-Covid, I’d have probably asked myself if going 10 miles down the road really counts as a mini break but this is 2020 and we gotta take what we can get these days eh lads?
On the basis of nothing more than we had a booking.com voucher (a wedding gift) that had been refunded more than once due to covid-related cancellations, we decided to book ourselves into the four-star Clayton hotel in Cambridge for a night. Because if there was ever a year to spontaneously ‘treat yo’self’, this would be it. It had cloud-like super king beds, a gorgeous bar and truly superb interiors. From the spiral staircase in the entrance hall to the panelled-wall library areas to the velvet pink pouffes; everything was very much up my street.
It was the last weekend of September and the first time it really felt like Autumn; we’d dug out the knitwear for the first time and everything. We arrived in our neighbouring city in the afternoon, dropped our bags off, marvelled at the marble bathroom and beautifully comfy bed and then headed into the centre of Cambridge. Something I’m slowly learning this year is that an unexpected joy of trips close to home, apart from the lack of travelling, is the lack of pressure to squeeze it all in. Which to be fair, I don’t actually mind when you’re excitedly trying to take in a new place, but on the other end of the scale, knowing I’ll come back to Cambridge many times gave me the permission to gently wander which is a different kind of joy.
And Cambridge city centre is a great place for gently wandering. Full of beautiful architecture, an abundance of recognisable and independent shops and an overall studious feel, there is a lot for the eyes to absorb and you can easily while away an afternoon by meandering around the town, the shops & the market. We stopped in Aromi for a tea break or, in my case, a hot chocolate break. We found it at random so I was taken completely by surprise by how good their hazelnut, velvet hot chocolate was. That combined with the aesthetically-pleasing slice of pistachio cake we shared and the cosy interiors made Aromi a great accidental find.
After the obligatory pre-dinner-crash-in-hotel-room that is synonymous with city breaks, we had a drink in the hotel bar which we both agreed reminded us of a New York bar, although we couldn’t put our finger on why. Anyway, there was stylish décor, great wine and a marble bar complete with beautiful fairy lights. And then we headed to the Old Bicycle Shop for dinner which has been top of our list of places to try in Cambridge for a good while.
The Old Bicycle Shop literally used to be a bike shop and there are nods to it throughout with curled bicycle handles mimicking antlers and photos of the old shop on the wall, and wooden floors, leather seats and moody décor that you could just imagine in a shop selling bicycles. The food did not disappoint; Gary had the crispy salt & pepper squid with squid ink chilli mayonnaise & charred lime to start whilst I had the honey & thyme baked feta which were both great, but we both agreed that the gnocchi with sun dried tomatoes, olives & almond pesto (Gary had the added trout) was the shining star. Our only disappointment was it left us too full for dessert but hey, we’ll definitely be going back.
We had the comfiest night sleep in our king cloud bed and then headed to Bill’s for breakfast for old time’s sake; we miss having a Bill’s round the corner and their lovely décor and lovely food always make it a reliable option.
I would highly recommend wandering around the centre of Cambridge on a Sunday morning; with the shops not opening until 11, it’s a rare dose of quiet and a joy to watch the city sleepily wake up. When it is awake, if you’re a bookworm, I would recommend a visit to their Waterstones as it is freakin’ huge. It’s spread over five enormous floors and, yes, I made Gary walk around them all. Always happiest wandering around a bookshop me.
New book in hand, we took a slow wander back to the train station for the 20 minute journey home.