29 Jul 2022
Visiting The Superbloom Installation @ Tower of London
27 Jul 2022
Seven Months Of Breastfeeding
Sometimes I look back at myself in January and really wish I could show her how we’re doing now. I probably wouldn’t mention that I’ve yet to sleep more than 3 hours in one go but I would tell her that it works out. That the birth flashbacks fade and her hungry baby struggling to feed now has a double chin and can latch himself onto the boob without any assistance in the dark. We did not have the easiest starts. For a number of reasons, most of which I won’t go into, our little boy struggled to latch and feed properly at first and - to be blunt - it was grim.
One of those reasons was a posterior tongue tie which wasn’t picked up on until he was four weeks old, by which point we had a baby that wasn’t gaining weight, trauma to my nipples and a reduced milk supply. It was horrifically stressful, I was completely unprepared (not that you can really prepare for such a situation) and we had some really low days. The feeling of panic and horror of having a hungry baby that you can’t sufficiently feed is not something I will ever forget. I found the endless advice & questions and repeated weighing exhausting and distressing, and I have never known pain like breastfeeding with open wounds as nipples - and I say that as someone who had recently given birth. I spent many weeks wondering if it would ever feel easy or normal, particularly on the days when we could spend 14 hours at a time doing nothing but feeding (tongue tie problems). I cried a lot. I told friends we were fine when we weren’t. I began to dread him needing to feed and wanted to scream when I was repeatedly told it would ‘get better’. Weight gain and milk supply issues usual mean that you are told to express extra milk on top of all the feeds and that really was the cherry on top of the feeling that feeding my baby was one of the hardest and most exhausting things I have ever done. And I felt so resentful that this was my experience when I knew that for so many, it is the opposite.
I’m still utterly astonished that I kept going, that we’re still going. It does feel a lot easier and normal now, but still hard work at times. I have a baby that now refuses to take a bottle and sometimes the lack of break, inability to leave him with anyone for more than a couple of hours and general pressure solely on my body, particularly as he still wakes every 2-3 hours to feed during the night - can feel like a lot. He is such a wriggler which means that sometimes I am really bloody tired of being accidentally kicked and pinched and a recent bout of mastitis (ffs) seriously tested my patience with the whole thing. So, yes, even now I have moments - particularly lying in bed with a fever and a bowling ball for a boob - where I wonder if I should keep going.
And yet, even if he would take a bottle, I know in my heart of hearts that we will. The ease of it months in, whacking him on whenever he’s hungry or tired or upset or, quite frankly, just to shut him up for a mo. Being able to go anywhere and not worry about it is such a massive perk. I’ve fed him on the side of the road, on many trains, on a canal boat, in restaurants, up a skyscraper, in a church, on multiple benches, lying down, standing up, walking around. I dread to think how we would have managed to get him to sleep ever if it hadn’t have been for the magic of the boobs because he sure as hell won’t be rocked to sleep. And I will never not be blown away when I look at this excitable and curious baby with his ridiculously strong thighs and think that his sole source of nutrition is my milk. And when he giggles because he’s just blown a raspberry on my boob, or looks up just to give me a quick grin, or does a happy food wiggle when he sees me getting my boob out, or holds onto my finger for reassurance whilst he feeds, I’m a total sucker (there’s a pun for you) for the whole thing.
I would really like to keep breastfeeding him until he is a year old which I will be very proud of, and after that, I am open to see what works for us around him starting nursery and being a more established eater, and me returning to work.
I bear scars. I wish it hadn’t been so difficult to begin with. Sometimes I wish I could hand my boob to somebody else and say ‘you deal with this for a couple of days’. And yet, I’m in awe of what my body can do, taken aback by a determination I didn’t know I possessed and proud of how far we’ve come in the last seven months.
26 Jul 2022
The Weekend | Walking In The Peak District
Uh huh. I now blog about National Trust places lads. Am I now a parent in my thirties? HOW CAN YOU TELL?
Belton House happens to be almost exactly half way between us and my dads so it makes an excellent stop off point for lunch/boob feed/nappy changes. It is SO much nicer than stopping off at a service station and I can’t imagine ever going back. Should you ever go to Belton House yourself, I feel it’s v important to tell you that there is an ice cream parlour with an epic array of ice cream flavours. We only found this out because Gary has a friend who lives nearby and told us about it - otherwise we would have continued to completely miss it (this was our fourth visit) because it’s a bit hidden away. The flavours though. Crème brûlée! Blackberry cheesecake! Pear & elderflower! Jammie dodger! Millionaire shortbread! Trying to choose was an absolute minefield.
Aaaanyway. We spent a very lovely weekend at my dads, partly marvelling at their brand new kitchen which has completely transformed the house, partly eating good food (why are Indian takeaways so much better up north?), partly stroking fluffy cats and partly walking out in the Peak District national park which is right on their doorstop. It was a lovely summer’s day, mostly the perfect temperature. Every time I’m back in the Peak District, I find myself constantly taken aback by how beautiful it is, despite spending a lot of time there over the years (and being born on the edge of it). We wandered around reservoirs, through woods, along streams and over moorlands. The views were spectacular wherever we were and A very much enjoyed humming away in the carrier and being offered leaves to play with. We had a picnic on a bench in a shaded spot by the water half way round and then finished off in a pub garden where we nosed at the wedding taking place. Some photos:
13 Jul 2022
Family-Friendly Luxury Hotel: Our Stay At The Ickworth, Suffolk
The Hotel
The Ickworth hotel is one of five (I think) in a set of family-friendly luxury hotels in the country. This one is set in the Ickworth National Trust grounds in Suffolk. The premise is simple - everything you’d expect from a luxury hotel only it’s acceptable to bring your children and has been subtly adapted for them. There’s a library room with children’s books and toys, a cinema room with a kid film shown every day and a nursery with 90-minutes free childcare included for every night of your stay. A travel cot, changing mat and nappy bin were waiting for us in the room when we arrived and we were able to hire an off-road iCandy pram free of charge for when we wanted to go walking in the grounds. Our room was a traditional style, complete with big oak-style bed and chaise-lounge and the bathroom had a large standalone bath complete with a set of fancy toiletries. The hotel has a homely feel, on a grand scale. Comfy but luxurious.
The Food
Food was served in the beautiful orangery which was full of light, pink tones and a impressive display of greenery growing across the wall. There was something quite freeing about being a new parent, eating fancy food in a fancy restaurant, and it still being acceptable for your five-month-old to a) be there and b) shriek and throw Sophie-the-giraffe on the floor. There is an adults-only dinner served later in the evening (the hotel can provide you with monitors to leave in the room) but we chose to eat earlier as we didn’t feel quite ready to leave baby alone in a room just yet. On our first night, we indulged in a three course meal which was delicious. Highlights included roasted beet hummus with a sunflower seed dukka, a wild mushroom risotto with truffle oil, a huge burger with garlic aioli and an incredible dessert which was a combination of apple crumble and apple pie with filo pastry and oats. Hard to describe, tasted amazing. We also tried out the Matilda Afternoon Tea, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book. It included a small ‘Crunchem Hall’ sandwich selection, ‘break time’ banana bread, ‘Lavender’s Macarons’, ‘Matilda and Miss Honey’s after school cream tea’, an enormous slice of ‘Bruce Bogtrotter’s chocolate cake’ and ‘newt juice’ (apple juice, banana, spinach & mango smoothie). It was all very tasty and I very much enjoyed the concept, but we did feel it was a tad overpriced for what you got - although this feels like an issue with afternoon teas in general these days. Breakfast was included in the room and included everything from pancakes to full English to every type of egg.
What we did
We were there for two nights and the intention was to relax as much as possible with a five month old. As The Ickworth is set within National Trust grounds, you get free access at any time of day and we both really loved being able to go for evening walks and feel like we had several acres to ourselves. I very much enjoyed the opportunity to go for a massage in the spa as well as languish in the huge standalone bath in our room. We took A swimming for the first time in the beautiful swimming pool which was full of light and big windows with views of greenery and real bee hives. It made for a lovely place to take him swimming for the first time and a special memory. We spent some time chilling out on the squashy armchairs in the lounge, including on the second evening where the lovely staff brought food to us so we could eat in a more relaxed setting. We mooched around the, frankly, stunning National Trust estate and also spent an afternoon exploring the lovely Bury St Edmunds which is a ten minute drive away.
The Ickworth felt perfect for people with a young baby who don’t yet have to worry about food/lots of entertainment for them just yet (although there were people there with older children as well), and are looking for a little slice of that pre-baby adult break feeling. The only downside is, unsurprisingly, it is not cheap. However, if you fancy treating yourself (and hell, after childbirth and those exhausting newborn days, you definitely deserve it), then The Ickworth is a gorgeous way to do so.