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August Journal | Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again
This is my way of telling you I’m pregnant again in case that wasn’t obvious.
I found out when we were on holiday in Devon. I was so incredibly bloated that I turned to Gary one evening and said ‘do you think I’m pregnant or I’ve just eaten a lot of cream teas?’. The answer was both, as it turns out. I would say we didn’t tell anyone straight away, but I’m pretty sure I inadvertently told the woman working in the local chemist when I came in three days in a row, first to buy a pregnancy test, second to buy folic acid, third to buy Gaviscon.
Those first few weeks of pregnancy are just about getting through and that’s what I’ve been doing since the start of July, head down, trying not to throw up, trying not to fall asleep in public, trying not to worry too much about giving birth again or the realities of life with a three-year-old and a newborn. I’ve been more exhausted than my first pregnancy (but I’ve also had an iron deficiency and a toddler so that might explain it), the nausea has come in waves rather than being relentlessly 24/7 like before, but I’ve found myself gagging a lot more; my sense of smell has been so heightened, pretty much anything can set me off. Still, I thought it had been, on the whole, an improvement than with Alfie but the morning I threw up at the smell of the food bin made me wonder if I was clutching at straws and first trimesters are just crap all round.
None of my normal clothes fit, but I’m not really ready for maternity clothes. I think I managed to bypass this period last time because it was summer, and I just wore my usual floaty dresses with a bump peaking through. But we are entering into knitwear season and NONE OF MY JEANS WILL DO UP. As I write this, I’m wearing my roomiest pair of jeans with the hairband trick holding them together. Should I just resign myself to wearing leggings for the next few months?
The thing I have learned about second pregnancies is that they are more understated than the first. Absolutely no disrespect to this very-much-wanted second child but I’ve done this before, I know what’s coming. It’s still special but there’s less nervous anticipation and more resigned reality. I’m excited for the good bits but lack the naivety of how hard the hard bits will be, and I do kinda miss that blissful ignorance of the first time. There’s also less novelty; it’s less big news for me and others. When I got pregnant with Alfie, I had one friend with a baby. Now I’ve lost count of the amount of lil squish balls knocking about. The main reason this pregnancy will be less dramatic than the first though is because there is absolutely no chance whatsoever of baby making their grand entrance at Christmas. I’ll be able to tell people their birthday without one person saying the words ‘that must have been a lovely Christmas present for you’ and ain’t that a treat.
Sometimes I feel a little guilty that this baby doesn’t have all the hype of the first, but I also know how much they will benefit from having parents who have done this before. I can’t wait to put into practice all I have learnt with them. I can’t wait to hold a newborn again, to see whether they look like their brother. “I’m so broody,” I said to my friend the other day as a family with a newborn walked past. “It’s a good job!” she responded. In a way this pregnancy still feels very abstract, like we can’t quite believe we will be having another little munchkin to bring up.
As you can probably tell, we’re nervous, excited and all the emotions in between.
Little one will be arriving early Springtime.