25 pieces of advice I'd give my teenage self

21 Mar 2017

25 pieces of advice I'd give my teenage self

Hey, 14/15/16 year old Kate. Here's some life advice for ya girl. 

1. Darling, enough with the low slung jeans. With those hips, give up now. You don’t wanna spend a life time pulling your trousers up – trust me, it ain’t a good look.  

2. Even you are not immune to sleeping with a couple of cocky arseholes. Yeah you will look at yourself in disgust the next morning but there was semi-decent sex involved so every cloud and all that. 

3. The eyeliner? Nah uh babes. Just cos you fancy an emo doesn't mean you want to look like someone's punched you. Twice. 

4. Running is not the exercise for you. Try swimming. 

5. Your bra size is not in fact a 34B and you should not wear push-up bras. Get yo ass into a 36C full cup ffs girl. 

6. Friendly reminder that foreplay is vair, vair important. 

7. Colour is what suits you. Wear more of it.

8. Your mum is pretty good at solving a ridiculous crisis. You should probs listen to her.

9. Don’t worry, you just need to find the right kind of tampon. 

10. The 'playing it cool' game is just as absurd as it sounds. If a guy truly likes you, you'll know about it.

11. Malibu and coke, and good quality white wine. That’s what you like. Don’t bother with the rest. Especially not sambuca. 

12. Stop wearing lacy French knickers. Life will be all round comfier. 

13. Despite what you’re being told, vomming in a park when your rents think you’re at a sleepover isn’t as cool as your peers are making out. 

14. See more of your Granddad whilst you can.

15. Worrying about when you'll lose your virginity is an effing waste of time. Don’t let your friends or creepy guys make you feel pressured. You gotta do you, and in your own sweet time. It happens and you don't regret it like approx 75% of people you know.  

16. Not being able to sing well doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing loudly. 

17. Online clothes shopping. You can try it on in your own bedroom away from that hideous changing room lighting. You're welcome. 

18. Be nicer to your little sister. She’s actually one of the funniest, sassiest girls you’ll ever know and she’s got your back. 

19. You’re not ‘too picky’, you’re just following your instinct. 

20. You’ll always have a weakness for cake. There are worse vices.

21. Pay attention to that photo taking habit you have. When you hit adulthood, it brings a special un-pressured kind of joy that you can’t understand yet. 

22. Do you realise how much freakin’ time you have on our hands? School finishes at THREE PM. For christs sake, USE IT. 

23. Good news: you pass your driving test first time. Bad news: you never really stop feeling like you’d rather avoid the whole experience. 

24. Most people don’t have a flat stomach, just FYI. 

25. Don’t ever be apologetic for being you. Your music taste is fucking marvellous, getting excited about the little things means you care, snorting when you laugh is not a problem and Harry Potter and Doctor Who are COOL OKAY.