22 Apr 2020
A Strange New Normal | Life In Lockdown
I should say now – I don’t work on the frontline (a huge bloody thank you, virtual hug and mountains of chocolate if you do). I’m not ill and the small amount of people in my life who have been ill have thankfully made full recoveries. I write this in the comfort of my own home, currently safe and well. Whilst my job no longer has a comfortable feeling of certainty around it, as it stands, I am still on full pay and with – albeit a somewhat reduced amount of – work to do.
However, I think it’s important to remember we are not playing tragedy top trumps and I 100% believe that we can admit we are finding this hard and weird and wtf is going on. Feelings are not invalid because someone else has it worse off. Don’t go adding guilt into the shit show of emotions you are feeling right now.
So, really, how are you? I hope that wherever you read this, you’re safe and well and haven’t yet thrown something at whoever you’re locked down with.
As I write this, I think I’m on 36 days of social isolation. The last time I properly left the house (to travel into London for a meeting in the office) was mid-March. At this stage, we had been loosely told to social distance and work from home if we could, but the office was still open and someone needed to be physically there to set up a virtual meeting for 20+ people. I spent 6 hours sat opposite someone who later got ill with Covid (luckily it didn’t come my way), nervously laughed about how surreal it all felt and then caught the train home. And that would be the last time I would go further than the half-a-mile radius around my house.
You know what happened next. Less than a week later, lockdown was announced and we have watched in horrified fascination as our lives have transformed and the country has become the scene of a real-life pandemic movie.
Gary and I are at home together; trying to work, trying to tick off DIY jobs, trying not to brood, trying not to snap at each other (my bad). Luckily, we are both pretty self-sufficient people with plenty of projects to keep us entertained and with a familiarity of quiet weekends around the house. Gary’s on a health kick, I’m wondering how many reduced Easter eggs I can buy in one go – we all deal with things differently I suppose.
Some days, it’s almost easy to kid myself that everything is normal. We’re just having a normal quiet Sunday, same as always. There’s no pressure to be anywhere or do anything; it’s almost calm and peaceful. Some days, I’m barely keeping my mental health out of the danger zone and it’s bloody exhausting. One day I’m the gal throwing about her to-do list in an annoying fashion and the next I’m the person aggressively liking ‘you don’t have to be productive, just showering is enough’ style posts on Instagram because how the hell am I supposed to motivate myself when I’ve been looking at the same still-need-to-paint walls for days on end? And no, I haven’t showered either.
Right now, I’m struggling with the feeling of being cheated. Cheated of this year. A year where our aims were to have fun, to travel, to relax. Weekend breaks, a summer full of weddings, the blissful feeling of very little responsibility… gone. Sure, we don’t know what’s going to happen and come August, we may well be stretched out in a pub garden with friends… but I’m not holding my breath. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that this is not something that will go away after a couple of months. And that then leads to worry over the Big Things. Everything beyond the front door feels chaotic – what on earth will the world look like when this is over? My job feels like a question mark, the planner in me is utterly confused at not even being able to plan to next week and the future looks strangely blurred and uncertain.
And whilst I know we just have to take each day as it comes and that I will eventually make peace with the lost time, the lost adventures and plans and joyous occasions; it’s a struggle to make peace with not being able to see my people. Every week, as I exit out of yet another diary reminder of a social engagement that will not be going ahead, I mutter under my breath something about it being unfair that we don’t live within walking distance of any family or friends. I’m rather jealous of those that can stand at the end of a driveway and wave to each other. Video calls are great and all, but it’s never the same as physically seeing someone in person, no matter from how far a distance.
I try to embrace this new normal as best as possible; appreciating the time to spend an afternoon baking, the glorious explosion of blossom around the neighbourhood, the pile of books ready to dive into, but there’s no denying this lockdown business is a rollercoaster of emotions.
17 Apr 2020
My Top Five Books From 2020 (so far)
What with a lot of us needing more ways to keep ourselves entertained over the weekends these days, I’ve had a few friends and family members ask me for book recommendations recently. Whilst I feel like I’ve read a lot this year, these are the five books I keep dishing out as my top picks. These are books that I literally couldn’t put down, books that genuinely made me cry or laugh out loud, books that will stay with me. In need of reading material? Read on…
American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins
Holy moly, I still haven’t caught my breath after reading this book. The very definition of impossible to put down. If you want something that literally races along, then this is your guy. I was hooked from the very first line. A breathtaking story of a mother and young son’s attempt to cross the US-Mexico border after their entire family is slaughtered by a cartel.
The Flat Share by Beth O’Leary
My top recommendation if you’re looking for something feel-good in these times of crisis. There’s a reason this book has had a lot of fuss; it’s a bloody delightful story. I picked this up at Kings Cross WH Smith for a bargain when I realised I only had a few pages left of my current book and a train journey ahead of me (remember when we got trains?). I loved it so much that I’d finished it less than 24 hours later.
Tiffy and Leon have never met but they share a flat, and a bed, in London. Leon works nights and occupies the one-bed flat whilst Tiffy is working 9-5 and then she occupies it the rest of the time. They begin communicating through leftover food and post-it notes and what follows is a story that will seriously warm the soul. Whilst it does tackle themes of a coercive and abusive relationship, it does so sensitively and brings more depth to the story without taking away from the loveliness. This is the best romantic comedy novel I’ve come across in a while and I really hope it’s turned into a film.
Elizabeth Is Missing by Emma Healey
This is an interesting one to make it onto this list because for the first 2-3 chapters, I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to keep reading. This was partly because it immediately felt very sad and I wasn’t sure I was up for something heavy, and partly because it’s a bit of a slower burner. By the time I’d finished it though, I was really moved and I’ve pondered the story a lot since – which is always the sign of a good book.
Whilst it is never explicitly said, this appears to be a story told from the perspective of someone who has dementia which I found such an interesting concept. Maud is an unreliable narrator; things are repeated, the reader begins to piece together clues before Maud suddenly forgets them and only the reader gets some kind of resolution to the seventy year old mystery Maud is trying to solve. I found it a desperately sad book, full of unique details and a narrative unlike anything I’ve read before.
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
Warning: you’ll need a stiff drink after this one. I raced through it and would highly recommend, but it was not a comfortable read.
Vanessa was 15 the first time she had sex with her English teacher, exactly 30 years older than her. Now she is 32 and he has been accused of sexual abuse by a former student. Vanessa is forced to reconsider her past and contemplate whether her great ‘love’ story was actually rape. A fascinating look at the complexities of grooming, abuse of power, rape and gaslighting.
Hard to read, hard to put down.
Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano
Honestly? I think this book has made its way onto my all-time favourites list, and you need to be pretty special to make it onto there.
One morning a plane takes off from New York, and crashes on route to Los Angeles. 191 people are killed. 12-year-old Edward is the sole survivor. The story alternates between the day of the crash and the stories of the passengers, and Edward learning to navigate his life in the aftermath of tragedy over the following years.
Questioning what it means to truly live, everything about this story was poignant and beautiful; I would urge you to add it to your reading list.
Happy reading folks x
10 Apr 2020
Five Highlights From March
Lol. LOL LOL LOL.
If you told me when I was writing February’s highlights that by the time I sat down to write March’s, the entire country would be in lockdown, I’d have probably looked at you like you were high.
So here we are, trapped in a real life dystopian novel. How are you?
Trying to find five highlights for the last month has been trickier than usual but I’m giving a go because focusing on the positives feels essential right now. Needless to say, highlights that include other people obviously took place at the beginning of the month when life was still relatively normal and social distancing measures had yet to come into place. Which was roughly 3561 days ago…
Afternoon tea with Alice – the last friend I saw before shit hit the fan, Alice came over for a day trip and I showed her the highlights of Ely (er my house, afternoon tea & a walk through some fields). It was great to catch up and half way through our walk, we saw the most fabulous rainbow stretching across the sky.
Dad’s 60th birthday – literally the last in-person social engagement I had before social distancing stepped in, my dad and Elizabeth came to visit and we celebrated his 60th birthday. If I’d know that was going to be my last visit to a restaurant/pub for a long time, I’d have probably drunk more wine.
The sunshine – whilst I appreciate the irony of the dreamy weather arriving just at the point where we can’t be hotfooting it to the beach/park/pub garden, I still am loving those blue skies right now. I feel like it does wonders for the mood.
Baking Рin my defence, I used baking as a bit of an outlet before the pandemic but, yes, like a quarantine clich̩, I have also baked banana bread. And banana muffins. And lemon cake. And bread. And cookies. And cornflake flapjack. Seriously, I am marginally out of control. Hit me up if you have flour.
House – Gary announced this morning that we only have two boxes left in the house. Woah. It feels like we have suddenly turned a corner house-wise and we have hit the point I have been fantasising about for months – just adding the finishing touches. Whilst I had imagined we would celebrate the end to DIY-heavy weekends by having a social-and-travel-heavy few months, I am extremely appreciative of having our lovely house to hunker down in right now.
Hope you are all keeping safe and well x
29 Mar 2020
Home | A Kitchen Renovation Diary
The week of questionable cooking
As soon as we had our first viewing on our house, we knew that we would want to install a new kitchen. Since that point (April 2019 if you’re wondering), we have probably been through about 15 different kitchen ideas, jumping between every possible provider (Ikea, B&Q, Wickes – we did em all) and every possible budget (our lowest quote was £5k, our highest £17k) before eventually settling on our final decision. You could say it’s been a journey.
The kitchen already there was usable but dated and knackered. There was a hole where a dishwasher once was, screws poking out cupboards, a dripping tap that liked to admit a horrible high-pitched wining sound, limited storage space and horrendous orange tiles on the floor which were always cold (I really hated those tiles). We’ve spent the last six months with half our kitchen things still in boxes and it feels really good to have finally unpacked.
Our new kitchen was designed and booked with Complete Kitchens Ely. The best thing about the process, in my opinion, was the fact that they mock up photos of the kitchen for you; it made it so much easier to visualise how things were going to look with actual photos. We had a couple of meetings with them where we picked out the cupboards/worktops etc and they talked us through the final designs, and then we bought the flooring, tiles, sink & tap and white goods ourselves to save on cash.
The layout of the kitchen is relatively similar to what it was like before only with much-improved storage solutions so we make full use of the corners. We moved the location of the dishwasher (not that we had a dishwasher before – just a big space where the previous owners used to be), swapped a gas hob for an induction, stainless steel sink for a ceramic and our small fridge for a larger, integrated one.
We also had a breakfast bar built which doubled the amount of worktop/storage space and fulfilled a fantasy of mine. A breakfast bar guys. It made use of all the dead space by the back door and doubled the size of the kitchen.
We picked out pale blue cabinets, white worktops, pale oak-effect flooring and white tiles with grey grout. The flooring would continue out into the hallway and utility room, and we also planned to rip out the units in the utility room so we could do something with the room in the future; the current units were bulky and unnecessary for such a small room.
Finally, at the beginning of Feb this year, the fitters arrived on the doorstep and renovation week began. Here’s how it went, with plenty of before, during and after photos:
Day One
We get an hour into things before a broken valve on the radiator (which needs to be moved to accommodate the breakfast bar) causes a minor flood. A good start. I do a Usain Bold impression in an effort to find a mop. The fitter asks if the child’s t-shirt found down the back of the radiator is mine. No, no it is not.
I’m told the water will be turned off for two hours max and fill up enough glasses to keep me hydrated for approximately four days. Not sure what I think is going to happen in that two hour period.
The whole kitchen is ripped out by 10am and the electrician spends the rest of the afternoon sorting out the electrics – we’re having two new double plug sockets put in over the breakfast bar and now-defunct old switches and thermometer removed. There’s about four sizable holes in the wall by the end of the day.
Dinner: Dominos takeaway. No cutlery or washing up required.
Day Two
The new kitchen is delivered at 7:30am and by the end the day, a lot of the units are in place. The room is overflowing with boxes and dust but even the fitter seems surprised by the speed at which he’s progressing. We discuss handles and the curve of worktops, and I fail to know where the gas meter is.
Gary and I spend part of our evening bringing in the new fridge, cooker, hob, oven & hood from the garage and the room becomes even more cramped.
Dinner: Indian takeaway; washing up is done in the utility room.
Day Three
Gary and I have swapped so he’s now working at home for the next two days and I’m in the office. It’s peaceful, there’s less dust.
When I get home, we have a working fridge, oven and half an extractor hood installed. Plus some of the doors now have handles.
Dinner: Tesco’s cook-in-3-mins pasta cooked on a camping stove in the utility room. I chop up some salad whilst sat on the stairs. The glam life chose us.
Day Four
I don’t see today’s progress until we get home from a night out at gone midnight. The flooring has gone down and oh my does it make a difference. The units in the utility room have been ripped out so there now really is absolutely nowhere to cook or wash up. The washing machine is currently unhooked and the toilet in the utility room has been temporarily taken out so the flooring can go down properly.
Dinner: Franco Manco after work – my sister got us theatre tickets for Christmas and they’ve coincided with kitchen week. So no camping stove or takeaway tonight! Pizza for the second time this week mind…
Day Five
After a late one the night before, 3 workmen arriving early to immediately start drilling and having banter in the garden directly under the bedroom window is a bit disorientating. The garden has essentially turned into a workshop complete with workbench and a lot of mess.
The downstairs toilet is put back in place, the worktops go down properly complete with joining, the sink & hob are put in, more cupboard handles are added and some of the skirting boards and plinths are put in place. It’s definitely coming together but they do need to come back tomorrow – aka Saturday – at 8am…
Dinner: Fish and chips takeaway. My body is really starting to wonder what the hell is going on. What have you done with the vegetables?!
Day Six
Gary lets them in first thing whilst I hide in bed. We decide to go out for a few hours to escape the noise and spend most of that time buying new things for the new kitchen. Whilst we’re out, the tap is installed, the skirting board and plinths are all finished, the dishwasher goes in, the rest of the hood is fitted and the washing machine in the utility room is re-hooked up. All the various holes in the walls are plastered over. They spend a couple of hours clearing everything out. Apart from a hole in the floor in the hallway where a sunken mat is going to be put in, and the tiles, it is finished. We sign all the various paperwork, discuss the final bill, thank the fitter for working on a Saturday and then spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning the worktops/mopping the floor/gazing at our new kitchen like it’s our first-born child or something. It looks completely different and we are thrilled.
Dinner: Because things are still drying, we opt for a meze-type situation. There are ACTUAL VEGETABLES involved. We let the oven run for a couple of hours to get rid of the new-oven smell and then give it its first run by heating up some samosas.
Day Seven
No work men today! We spend most of the afternoon emptying every kitchen box (some of which haven’t been touched since we moved), sorting through everything and allocating them a cupboard/drawer. It’s like organisation porn I swear. We order a new kettle, bar stools and shelving unit for the cookbooks to finish things off.
Gary puts the dining table back together and we cook our first proper meal in the kitchen which is more complicated than usual as we have to figure out how all the new appliances work and I cut myself twice on the new knives, but hooray real food!
Day Eight
The tiler comes over and spends the morning, well, tiling obviously. Never thought I would spend half an hour gazing at tiles but this is what I do when he leaves. One final guy comes to fit the sunken mat, and the hallway flooring is finished off.
Since then, we have painted the whole room white (two coats in one day… a lot of painting), put up some shelves to display our cookbooks (this makes my heart really, really happy), added bar stools, a floor lamp in the corner, a new blind and a clock and Ikea peg board on the walls. The little dog print is one I’ve had for yonks but absolutely love, and the heart spoons were a wedding gift which we thought looked cuter hung up rather than being used for their actual purpose. We also have a little gallery wall above the dining table - the ice cream and sunflower photos were both taken by me, the avocado print is from Desenio and the ‘pubs of St Albans’ and the ‘cheese’ prints are both tea towels we were given as wedding presents; both ironed and framed.
Completely in love with our new kitchen.
28 Mar 2020
Chasing The Sun
Once a phrase used to reference jetting off to some exotic - or at least warmer - location, I now chase the sun around my house.
In these times of lockdown, when the sun on your face is savoured like an expensive wine, I desperately follow the sun around my house during the day because the jewelled eyelashes, and warm toes and that oh so bright light are everything when it comes to keeping a calm mind and optimistic soul.
I start outside if warm enough, making the most of the morning rays before the inevitable shadow sweeps across our NE facing garden. I then decamp to the living room, sprawling across the floor as the carpet is alight from the squares of the windowpanes. From there, to the box room where the leather chair by the window absorbs the heat and warms the cockles. And finally to the kitchen, where the evening rays filter across the end of the dining table and where I perch until the sun inevitably disappears; finished for another day.
I follow the sun around the house as I read and write, make lists and stick photos in albums, bake and hum. I keep chasing the sun.
As the world stills, as others fight to keep us all going, there is bizarrely a sense of calm. My job is to stay at home, stay where it’s safe, to make it safer for those risking it all. To imagine days where the sun will feel unlimited once again, only this time I won’t take it for granted.
22 Mar 2020
A Social-Distancing To-Do List
I’m doing what I always do when I’m stressed and things are out of my control: I’m making a list. I had a solid plan for this year, but we are now looking at potentially 3+ months predominantly home based. Because we are not dickheads (harsh but true) and because I have increased risk of severe illness should I catch Covid-19, Gary and I are taking social distancing seriously (and I’d be grateful if you could too; it’s not a lot to ask you to stay at home and watch Netflix). I can’t go into the office, I can’t go on holiday and, worst of all, can’t have physical contact with friends and family. So I need a new plan. A plan that can’t involve that much actual planning because who knows how long we are going to be in this situation for.
My new plan is to attempt to focus on the positives and the main positive that I can see at the moment, is that I’ve been given time. Alright, I didn’t ask for it and I’m still pretty peeved that my other more exciting plans have been thrown out the window but there are clearly more important things to be taking priority right now. All we’ve got to do is stay at home.
So here’s my list. A list of things to do now that I have gained back all my commuting time, social time, holiday time, siting-in-cafes-eating-cake time. A list to save my mental-health. A list of projects, of home comforts, of living in the moment; because that’s all we can do right now.
Re-watch all the Harry Potter films – it has been an age since I’ve watched all the HP films and this feels like an excellent opportunity to start making my way through them all again, and hopefully persuade Gary to watch them with me (no he’s never seen them; don’t get me started).
At-home gels nails – I just invested in an at-home gel manicure kit which is something I’ve considered doing for a while because, whilst I love having gels nails, it’s not a cheap habit so I tend to reserve them for ‘treats’ and special occasions. And, in a weird kind of way, this feels like both. So once it arrives, hooray for fancy nails around the house for the next few months.
Read read read and read some more. And re-read all the Harry Potter books if things get desperate and I am in need of a comfort blanket. My dad bought me a brand new, beautiful set for my birthday (as my old set is so tattered the pages fall out) so excited to dig into them.
Bake cakes and cookies and whatever the hell else because baking is good for my soul. Browse my many cookbooks & cook new recipes on a regular basis (as long as people haven’t stockpiled the ingredients).
Kitchen dance parties – inspired by Beth Sandland – check our her corker of a social-distancing playlist here – all baking and cooking shall be accompanied by some serious dancing around the kitchen. Baking and dancing in combination are extra good for the soul.
Write my book – not all of it, although I suppose it depends how long this situation goes on for, but yaaay extra writing time!
Life admin – all those boring tasks that I am constantly putting off – clearing my personal inbox, backing up my laptop, sorting through paperwork etc – there is absolutely no reason not to dedicate a Saturday to them right now. I am gonna be so smug come summer when all this is over (hopefully, please oh please) and I can dedicate all my time to drinking and catching up with people with no obligations.
Finish putting our wedding & honeymoon photo albums together – pretty self-explanatory!
Regular video calls with friends & family – probably the most important one. Social distancing only means physical distancing; so prioritise video calls with family & friends. I have a feeling I could end up talking to mine more than I normally do, what with everybody being at home with no plans. I’ve had an hour long phonecall and a virtual wine date already this weekend and another one planned for this evening, which means my social life has actually been busier than a non-social distancing weekend.
Finish the house – I mean, we really have no excuse not to paint the landings and hallways right now do we? If the house isn’t finished by the time social distancing is over, I will be unimpressed with our failure.
Couch to 5k – I did have other exercise plans – grateful the government announced social distancing just before I joined a gym – but seeing as they can no longer go ahead, I thought I’d attempt to get back into running outside as long as we're still allowed to do so. The Couch to 5k did me well last time I wanted to get back into running so I’m starting there again.
Embrace that spring sunshine – being at home and avoiding others doesn’t mean that Spring and those fresh sunny days can’t be embraced. As the temperatures rise and sunny days increase, I plan to sit in the garden with my book or head outside for a walk in the local woodland (whilst avoiding other people obvs).
Stay safe lads x
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