Whilst I (not-so) patiently wait for this second-trimester ‘glow’ I was promised and has yet to show (whenever you’re ready pal), I thought I might get down some first trimester thoughts before they disappear completely; it’s amazing how quickly the details start to fade.
I very much enjoy having this blog as my version of a scrapbook and am keen to keep documenting memories here, but I’ve not quite decided how much of the little one is going to be shared online (both before and after they are born) so there may be certain aspects of this that I’ll brush over - particularly around ‘trying’ for a baby because, quite frankly, there is such a thing as TMI when strangers and family members read this blog.
So, I found out I was pregnant early April time after spending the majority of Easter weekend lying on the sofa wondering why the heck I felt so tired. Peeing on a stick is neither glamorous nor as ‘movie’ like as those clear blue adverts would suggest and whilst I was certain that I wanted a baby, I mostly found the experience underwhelming. Partly because this wasn’t the first time we’d been here and partly because the implications of a positive pregnancy test are so huge, it was almost like my brain couldn’t catch up. So I simply looked at it and went ‘huh, interesting’, waved my (capped) pee-soaked stick in Gary’s face whilst he was chopping veg and then ate dinner in front of the telly.
We told my immediate family when I was six weeks, my friend Beth at seven weeks and then intended to keep it to ourselves until after the 12-week scan. However, there were a couple of occasions that forced our hand (hard to keep it secret when you're not drinking at your good friend's hen do) so a small handful of people found out earlier but otherwise, we mostly kept to our original plan!
They say the first three months are the worst but seeing as I’ve not yet experienced an entire pregnancy, I can’t really comment on that at the moment. My first few months of pregnancy, though, seemed to fulfil most of the cliches; relentless nausea, tiredness, heightened sense of smell, gagging inexplicably, bloating and a desire to hide in a duvet cocoon until it all passed. What I wasn’t expecting was how all of the above would make me feel like my personality and creativity were being sucked dry. My days essentially consisted of get through work, lie on the sofa all evening, go to bed. Repeat. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with not throwing up and the fear of baby not sticking around, I would have been incredibly bored. I don’t think it helped that we were still in lockdown when that test popped up with a ‘pregnant’ and we were so done with being stuck at home. I just didn't feel like myself for a long time and, whilst I know it's perfectly normal, I will freely admit that I was wishing for it to pass.
Like with most things though: you do get through it. I know a lot of people worry about those first few weeks of pregnancy and I know some have it really rough but in my so-far-average-experience of pregnancy, a fair few of my worries turned out to be unfounded. I didn’t really enjoy those first few weeks and wished the nausea would let up for just.five.freaking.minutes. but neither did I spend all day everyday with my head in a toilet as I’d anticipated in some of my more pessimistic moments. Low points included lying on the bathroom floor at 2am, aggressively searching the supermarket for a packet of pickled onion monster munch, spotting in a public toilet at a beach in Norfolk, trying to pee into a tiny tube in a medical centre (why do they make them so small, WHY) and the sheer bloody amount of burping (which has yet to pass; I’ve basically accepted I am now Pumba).
High points included seeing our little blobby wriggling around and waving their arm stumps on an ultrasound screen at nine weeks, seeing the reactions of our family and friends, meeting my lovely midwife, marvelling at what my body is doing and being blown away by how much baby had grown when we saw them again at our 12-week scan.
My main learning so far? There is nothing remotely glamorous about pregnancy but it’s a bit of an adventure all the same. I know how lucky we are to be in this position and I cannot wait to meet our little one.
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