2020: Reflections & Favourite Photos

I’m a sucker for reflecting and planning at this time of year, but planning for 2021 is frustratingly impossible right now and I’ve had a real urge to ignore any kinds of reflections on 2020; my first instinct is to not focus on the tattered plans and memories that should have been or the mental health that deteriorated. Why relive the cancelled Christmas, two lockdowns, three cancelled holidays, four cancelled weddings, the abundance of anxiety, frustration, so many different kinds of grief and – if we’re honest – boredom?

Inevitably though, I started going through my photos from the last 12 months and, whilst there were a lot less than 2019, I was surprised by how many happy moments there were. So, despite my resistance, I ended up reflecting and looking back anyway.

I could only briefly bring myself to look at plans I wrote at the beginning of the year but it appears my thoughts for 2020 included travel, an alien amount of social engagements, more time dedicated to calmness and less time on my phone. Needless to say, none of this happened. There was a lot of ‘just surviving is enough’ stuff circulated online this year and yet I’ve noticed rather a lot of lists-of-achievements doing the rounds on social media in the last couple of weeks. People who achieved all their goals for the year or people who just managed to achieve a lot in general, all regardless of Covid. And hey, great to celebrate achievements and all that. But if you need to hear it: I have no idea what I’ve achieved this year unless you count lying in a heap as an achievement.

But even when everything felt really, really dismal, there were shiny, joyous moments: sunshiny walks, happy days at the beach, jumping in ballpools, seeing our favourite band live, a stay in the Hoxton Hotel, my best pal asking me to be his best wo-man, a brand new kitchen, restoring my Grandad’s chair and all the work and love we have poured into our house, blossom trees, so much baking and cooking, video calls with my girls, celebrating our first wedding anniversary in lockdown, two summer trips to London filled with cats, babies, good food and favourite friends, a stag do, glamping in Norfolk, stargazing and BBQs and firepits, mini breaks in the Cotswolds & Cambridge, savouring the moments where we could see family & friends in person, pink cotton cloud skies, the most beautiful actual real-life wedding, pub gardens, baby cuddles, hot chocolates and twinkly fairy lights.

This year, more than ever, I have appreciated that people are more important than anything else no matter what latest achievement or goal society pushes upon us. I have appreciated the importance of the little things, of the hug and the tiny gestures and little parcels in the post from friends. I have appreciated sunshine and the seaside and the therapy of kneading dough in a way I have never done before. I have appreciated my lovely home and my bloody marvellous husband.

I’m also proud of the work we’ve done on our house, proud of friendships maintained despite a year apart, proud of working in a role and for an organisation that supports the NHS and improves patient care, proud of finally nailing the perfect bread loaf (it really is the small things), proud of not losing our damn minds. And proud of all key workers who have kept us all going despite a shit government. I bow down to you.

Looking through those photos, I remembered that we survived and there were many moments of joy so I pulled out all the photos that made me smile from each month of this crap year and put them altogether and that is what I am going to choose to remember and focus on.