Last weekend, I felt like I was on it. G was away but that’s okay (very much a fan of time alone), I’d deleted all social media off my phone as part of my break-up challenge and I was pretty determined to nail the weekend.
And I did. I had a long lunch with my rents, I wrote a lot, I discovered Carluccio’s Cioccolata Fiorentina, I read nearly a whole book, I put together photo albums, I did some time on the exercise bike, I had a long soak in the bath alongside a Lush bath bomb, I made a list of things to think about re the wedding…. It just felt like the weekend lasted forever and I got so much done. There was also a real feel of spring in the air and, as much as I enjoy winter, the sunshine lifted my spirits even further.
The weekend just gone? Not so much.
I got sick on Friday night (after spending an extortionate amount of money on a fancy meal… let’s not discuss it) and Saturday was just a write-off. The clouds were dense, it was snowing again, I felt so blurgh and the day disappeared in a haze of bed, sofa and a fish finger sandwich. I spent the majority of that time berating myself for being unproductive, for letting the day – a Saturday – slide away unnoticed and unloved.
You may think I sound ridiculous (girl, you were vomming in the middle of the night, of course you spent the day in bed) or you may totally recognise my train of thought. Because I can’t be alone in this feeling of must-always-be-nailing-life. Perhaps it comes from the constant presence of social media and ‘girlbossing’, perhaps it comes from this idea that us gals can ‘have it all’ even when ‘all’ won’t fit into the hours we have, perhaps it just comes from my own pressure to fill those non-work hours with my passion for writing.
Who knows. But, jesus, sometimes we just have to accept that we’re going to have off days. We’re not robots and therefore, as human beings, we will be susceptible to illness, both mental and physical, to dismay at the fact it’s snowing in mid-March and to all other hazards life may throw at us.
Free time is precious as it is so let’s not fill it by chastising ourselves. When an ‘off’ day comes around, maybe we should appreciate eating fish finger sandwiches IN BED (G only allows me to do this when I’m ill because of ‘the crumbs’), the daffodils on the windowsill contrasting against the snowy sky and the concrete fact that life just has ups and downs.
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