Clubbing for the first time in a year; my internal monologue

1) Good lord, that kid is 12. Should I alert someone that he's here? His mother must surely be worrying. 

2) Is that what 18 year olds look like now? 

3) Oh sweet jesus; I've become one of those 'old people' I used to give dirty looks to for being in student clubs. What am I doing here?

4) Are they actually playing 'Stacy's Mom'?!

5) Mmmmm Malibu. 

6) STACY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON. SHE’S ALL I WANT AND I’VE WAITED FOR SO LOOOOOONG. 

7) Fart. Shit. Lemon. Ah the sweet concoction of smells in club toilets.

8) I appear to have just downed an apple sours shot. Da fuq am I doing? 

9) Ah time to bring back the old hand-on-hip-to-casually-elbow-creeps-away trick. Hello old friend.

10) They are playing the fucking Friends theme tune. Hells fucking yeah. 

11) I'm going to look like an awkward frog on the dance floor. When was the last time I danced in a club?!

12) Nah mate, I got the moooooves. 

13) No, no, no that does not mean you should get up on the platform. 

14) You got up on the platform.

15) My hair feels wet. Oh that would be my sweat. Good. 

16) Aircon, aiiiiircon, AIRCON. 

17) Omg my friends are the fucking best. Literally so much love for them; I may cry with the emotion. 

18) I’m not even epileptic and I’m dangerously close to a fit; STOP FLASHING THOSE DAMN LIGHTS.

19) Uh oh, brace yourselves, ready, here it comes.... COMING OUT OF MY CAGE, DOING JUST FINE .

20) OPEN UP MY EAAAAAAAAGER EYYYYYYYYES.

21) 3am and choosing to drink water over a jägerbomb. This is adulting. 

22) I'd forgotten how much you flirt with death on a night out. Why am I casually strolling through a creepy car park in the middle of the night again? 

23) Bed. Sweet, sweet sleep. 

24) Best. Bloody. Night. 

25) Those birds need to shut the fuck up.