31 May 2025
March/April/May Journal | A Sunshine-Filled Newborn Bubble
He’s called Arthur and he was born in mid-March, 9 days after his due date at a very similar time and weight to his older brother. He looks almost identical to his brother aside from slightly different shaped eyes and a much more gummied-smile. My iPhone facial recognition thinks they are the same person.
He sleeps. Not through obviously – he’s only two months – but he’s willing to go into his cot for some of the night and I haven’t been afraid to co-sleep from the offset this time round which means he sleeps in chunks that allow me to reach that precious deep sleep that is vital for functioning. It’s a revelation. The sleep deprivation last time nearly killed me. It seriously made me question whether I could have another baby; it’s no exaggeration to say I didn’t know whether I could survive that level of exhaustion again, let alone with a toddler in the mix. I was so fearful of the newborn stage. So, I’ve been living in a state of surprise and wonder at how lovely it has been. I mean, life with two is hard, unbelievably chaotic and sometimes I feel like I am being pulled so hard in all directions that I might snap, but sleep is my superpower. We can keep afloat if we have sleep.
Everything has felt different this time. As corny as it sounds, it felt like Arthur literally and metaphorically brought the sunshine. The sun shone every single day for the first month of his life. His arrival was the end of a difficult pregnancy and I’m still high on no longer feeling unwell all the time. Feeding issues was another fear leftover from last time and, whilst he was tongue-tied just like Alfie, we had it cut on day 4 and breastfeeding has been a dream since then. Physically and mentally draining at times of course, but I am so grateful for how smoothly it’s going.
It felt like I had a lot of making up to do. We didn’t really get the lovely newborn bubble with Alfie and it always makes me a bit sad, so I have really tried to soak it up this time round (if I haven’t replied to you in like two months, this is why, sorry, thanks for understanding xxx). I was out on day 3, sat in my favourite coffee shop, Arthur in the carrier, Alfie on my lap, hot chocolate being spilled all over me. Gary and I tried to make the most of his paternity leave with lunch dates, brunch dates, walks by the river in the sunshine, day trips to Cambridge, lazy afternoons on the sofa, a squishy newborn sleeping on us.
The difference between having a newborn in the dark depths of January and in the sunny Spring months has been quite something let me tell you.
Naturally, the novelty has worn off a little now and the relentless hard work of two young children often feels like a lot. Sometimes I vaguely wonder when we will ever have time for anything else. And sometimes I feel like the bubble is lovely, but I’m also stuck in it and not sure how to participate in the life outside it. But I also feel like I am a lot more mentally stable this time around and therefore able to keep it in perspective. It’s all just a phase. Time will pass quicker than I like, freedoms will come back and then I’ll probably be nostalgic for these days. I have no intention of having any more kids so I’m just trying to soak up my little boy and sunshine baby as much as possible, whilst also trying to not to scream into a pillow when the chaos of it all overwhelms me. It’s a balancing act…
Twenty(ish) Things I’ve Loved Lately
Nutella crumpets. First thing I ate after giving birth, favourite food of choice during those early days.
When Alfie met Arthur for the first time – ‘that’s a good baby brother!’. No, my hormones could not cope.
When Arthur’s eyes focus on me and then I get a huge smile and little excited leg kicks. Cannot beat that level of joy.
For a girl who doesn’t drink tea or coffee, I really love a pretty mug and my sister bought me a beautiful one just after I gave birth.
Reading my book in a café whilst my baby sleeps next to me. I am managing to read so much at the moment, mainly thanks to breastfeeding, and I love it.
Teeny tiny toes.
Wearing my normal clothes again. Selling my maternity clothes on Vinted and using the money to buy colourful, Spring, don’t-need-to-accommodate-a-giant-bump clothes. So nice to feel more like me.
The return of Race Across The World. Love that show.
My sister and brother-in-law moving literally around the corner. Still not used to the fact that they are RIGHT THERE.
Living in such a friendly place is just the best when on maternity leave. I have had conversations with so many strangers in the last few weeks and it’s just so good for the soul.
Our favourite coffee shop sending free cookies when they heard that Arthur had been born.
Easter egg hunts in the garden.
Cards and gifts arriving from family and friends. People showing their love from afar is everything when you’re in that vulnerable post-birth state. Particularly when that love comes in the form of baked goods.
Gentle, postpartum Pilates.
Alfie really getting into baking. A joy to share something I love with him.
How similar the boys and Gary look. They got my eye colour and that’s about it, but I don’t mind. The identical noses and slightly sticking-out ears make me smile.
My mum and step-dad who have gone above and beyond to keep us afloat in the last couple of months. Highly likely Gary and I would have both had a breakdown if they hadn’t been constantly around.
My friend Lizzie coming to visit for the day; something so special about seeing your childhood friends meeting your children.
The roses in our garden looking truly spectacular.
National Trust places. Thank fuck for these big dollops of nature where we can go run around and breathe in country air. Fully credit them with stopping us from killing each other at weekends.
Getting together with friends who have also had a baby recently. Managing a day out with four kids three and under is naturally chaos, but a very nice kinda chaos.
It’s peony season! The grin on my face when I found a market trader selling a huge bunch for a fiver.
The fact that Arthur has been asleep long enough for me to write this!
Hey there!
