27 Sept 2022

If We Were Having A Coffee, I Would Tell You...

As I write this, it is raining for the first time in months and months. Properly raining; dark skies, continuous downpour, fresh air! The improvement to my mood is quite something, for just a bit of rain. It’s Autumn lads! The return-to-Hogwarts, light-the-candles, hunt-for-autumn-leaves feeling is here and, if I’m brutally honest, I feel a sense of relief that summer has ended. It’s not that I’ve not enjoyed it, but I am usually done with the heat and humidity long before it’s actually over, dreaming of fresh air and not living in a permanent state of stickiness some time around the end of July.

Blogging has been somewhat sporadic this year; full-time parenting is relentless and intense and I’m still trying to find that elusive balance that allows me time for such things as sitting and writing regular entries in this little online diary of mine. So, if you’re still hanging around these parts, imagine this post to be us sitting down with a coffee and cake and having a catch up. Sorry about my baby crawling on the table and waving soggy breadsticks in your face.

If we were having a coffee (and cake!), this is what I would tell you…

That summer was challenging at times… The lack of sleep and the heat, which caused baby boy to suffer with eczema and heat rash, meant that sometimes summer felt like I was wading through treacle. The week the terrifying, record-breaking heatwave hit was a particular low point. I famously dislike high temperatures anyway but as every summer goes by hotter than the last, my anxiety over climate change jumps up higher and higher along with the temperatures. We spent the two 40c days in a dark house, everything closed, singular fan pushing warm air around and desperately trying to keep a baby cool. We succeeded; aside from a few hot and bothered moments, he remained relatively chipper but I felt mentally frazzled and physically like I was being baked in an oven. I struggle to get my head around the fact that it hit 40c in the UK and have spent a lot of time since worrying about what kind of world my son is going to grow up in, whether I can continue justifying things like flying to myself any longer and what other changes we can make to our lives to at least feel like we did everything we could for him, and his generation.

But before I make this a really depressing catch up, summer was also full of good stuff… my mum and I spent a good chunk of it becoming regulars at our local cafes (to the point where they now know our orders) and wandering around the river. I have had countless coffees and afternoons with the lovely NCT girls. Gary and I celebrated our anniversary with a delicious meal, beautiful sunset and a rare moment of baby free time! The extra long jubilee weekend had sunshine, village parties and cupcakes and then we headed for a luxury stay at the child-friendly Ickworth hotel. My friend Becca and I tackled the hot, step-free-access-my-arse tube with two babies (at one point, I had a baby on each hip whilst she carried prams up the stairs) so we could go and spend a very lovely afternoon in our friend’s sunny garden, drinking bubbly and catching up with the girls. We got a free trip to London Zoo where my friend Beth and I brought parenting chaos. There was excitement over a real-life Sophie-the-giraffe (if you know, you know), nappy changes in inappropriate places and a toddler being headbutted by a goat. We had a lovely trip to my dad’s where we walked in the Peak District, celebrated my friend Lizzie’s 30th with a trip to Superbloom and afternoon tea at The Shard and a couple of delicious veggie BBQs on hot days. Baby boy played in the paddling pool, my step-dad managed the BBQ whilst stood in the pond and I made a very delicious (if I do say so myself) burnt Basque cheesecake. We’ve enjoyed several afternoon/early evenings in the local craft beer spot with my parents, I met my sister at Kings Cross for a very nice lunch at Caravan and we took a spontaneous day trip to Kings Lynn (wouldn’t shout home about it but it was nice to have a change of scene). We also had a very nice day out on the Norfolk coast, wandering up and down Brancaster beach followed by a Sunday roast, a trip to Broadstairs in Kent for a wedding and I spent a lovely afternoon in Cambridge with my friend Becca eating takeaway pizzas by the river whilst two babies crawled over us and stole pizza crusts. Despite the challenges and sleep deprivation, I feel I made the most of having a whole summer off work.

Baby boy… is crawling! Really fast! He has two teeth! His laugh is the best noise I have ever heard. We now have raspberry blowing competitions. He does a little excited wiggle when I get out his bedtime-book. He likes sharing a cold glass of water with me and gets excited when he sees me pouring the glass. His eating is much more established, but we really sense he is a food-is-fuel type person which, as you can imagine, baffles me (aside from watermelon and cucumber which he seems mildly addicted to). His hair is blond, his eyes are dark, his little legs are tanned from sticking out of the pram parasol all summer. We suspect he isn’t that far off walking. He really likes banging his wooden maraca on things. He is a joy.

But he has also refused to take a bottle since May and it’s relentless. Don’t get me wrong, despite all the struggles, I want to be breastfeeding but there are days where I desperately wish I could pass the load onto someone else. By this stage, I imagined having more options for date nights, snippets of time to myself and, well, just a tad more freedom really. All babies are different, I know, and I know more balance is coming soon but wow it’s been intense at times.

That we just got back from a holiday on the Yorkshire coast… and, surprisingly, I actually did feel like I’d had a holiday. There is an element of same-shit-different-place when holidaying with a baby in my opinion but equally, exploring new places, the sea air and my parents on hand to support all enabled us to get that holiday feel.

That I am attempting to do Bake Off Bake Along This Year… yup, I’m still slightly obsessively baking and I’m using Bake Off (yaaaaay Bake Off is back!) as a way to challenge myself. I’m doing it in a very casual fashion, going on theme rather than copying specific bakes. I’ll let you know how it goes.

That we are planning for my return to work and baby boy starting nursery and I am (mostly) quite excited. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also emotional and a tad apprehensive but I’m also on board for a life with more structure and balance. Whilst I’m definitely not emotionally prepared for my baby to turn one and I wouldn’t change the memories of this year, maternity leave has felt like living in a slightly strange bubble and going back to work/munchkin starting nursery feels a little like returning to the real world and the opportunity to establish a new normal (sorry to use that phrase) which I'm really looking forward to. In the meantime, I plan to make the most of these last three months of mat leave.

I have been doing all the talking! Tell me, how are you? How’s your cake?

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22 Sept 2022

Summer Seaside Scenes In Broadstairs, Kent

For a very lovely weekend, I don’t have much to say on the seaside town of Broadstairs in Kent. We were down for a twice-postponed wedding party which we decided to turn into a long weekend with my parents. It was very hipster but didn’t make us feel unwelcome, a seagull hit the top of my head whilst trying to steal my ice cream and baby boy cried when we dipped his toes in the sea for the first time. I loved the big beaches and towering white cliffs, the fairy lights strewn across the promenade, the beautiful Clocktower shelter, the lovingly-decorated beach huts and the fact that we went back to the same pub about four times because the views and fish finger sandwiches were excellent. A few photos of those summer seaside scenes:

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30 Aug 2022

Skyline Afternoon Tea @ The Shard, London

There’s no denying that you’re mostly paying for the view at Ting Shangri-La, one of the restaurants up The Shard, London, but then the views are pretty special. If you’re on the best side, the Walkie Talkie is directly opposite and the muddy Thames stretches out beneath you, snaking under Tower Bridge and towards Canary Wharf. We were lucky to have perfectly blue skies as well, which really makes London glow. We were high up above to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday with views and a very fancy schmancy afternoon tea.

The drinks

Upon arrival, we were all greeted with a 'welcome tea' in a teeny tiny - and totally gorgeous - china cup. I am not a tea drinker normally but this earl grey with strawberry puree, lemon juice & syrup - served cold on a very hot day - really hit the spot. I also had another tea that I wish I could remember the name of, but it tasted like apricot and honey and again, it convinced this non-tea drinker to drink more of it. There was also champagne and cocktails flowing; I stuck to the mocktail, ' The Jubilee Party' which was strawberry puree, pineapple, syrup, lemon, basil and soda - very refreshing.

Savoury

Finger sandwiches included beetroot salmon, pastrami and egg, served alongside mini hoisin duck pancakes and two choux rolls, one with chicken liver parfait and the other with prawn cocktail. This was all tasty but didn't blow me away if I'm honest, although this could have had something to do with the fact that I was eating the savouries around shushing a grumpy baby (yes he crashed the party, no he wasn’t invited but he won’t take a bottle so what ya gonna do). There was, however, a courgette and almond tart which was absolutely delicious. I could quite happily have eaten several of them alone.

'A piece of architecture'

The grand finale, so to speak, which we (I think accidentally) were served before the pastries was The Shard in chocolate form. Big shards of chocolate sprayed silver surrounding a rich, indulgent chocolate and raspberry mousse and served with an abundance of dry ice (to represent being up amongst the clouds). It was quite the showstopper and that mousse was delicious. We all agreed that - despite the apparent error - enjoying it before the pastries was better as we didn't think we could have managed it afterwards!

Pastries

Special shout out to the lemon and poppy seed scone which I very much enjoyed. This was served - along with a plain scone - with the usual strawberry jam and clotted cream. And then onto the delicate little 'cakes'. A hazelnut & passion fruit slice, the 'pearl of the queen', a ball of tonka mousse & strawberry compote encased in white chocolate, and the lime and blueberry 'jubilee tart'. It was all beautifully presented, the latter in particular with a purple, sparkly mirror glaze and a delicate white chocolate leaf on top. The tart and tonka mousse ball were my personal favourites; the combination of the creaminess and tart tang of the fruit were delicious.

Obviously all of this came with a hefty price tag but you probably would know that already if you were planning on going up The Shard for afternoon tea. But for a special occasion, sitting above London with friends, whiling away the time with excellent views and eating unusual and tasty cakes was a very lovely way to spend an afternoon.

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10 Aug 2022

On Postpartum Baking

Let’s jump back to either very late December or very early January. I forget which but either way, I am a few days post-birth and I’m making banana bread. The house is very calm, baby is sleeping on Gary’s chest and I’ve gone downstairs to make banana bread using the bananas I bought as a labour-snack which didn’t get eaten. I’m in a weirdly peaceful mood and I feel really bloody happy that I’m making banana bread. I don’t really know why this moment stands out; just that it was a rare moment of contentment in the bewildering and brutal fourth trimester but also, I think I was just really pleased that I’d given birth after months of prep and anxiety about the unknown and now here I was baking banana bread like it was just any other day. I’d given birth and normality was still here. People like to say nothing will ever be the same again and yet, here I was, still baking and still happy about it.

I wouldn’t have that again for a while. We had several tough weeks ahead of us; our sleepy newborn bubble was rudely punctured by countless issues surrounding feeding which would leave us physically and mentally scarred, and it was only after my birthday, when I was flicking through my new cookbook – One Tin Bakes Easy by Edd Kimber – that I realised I had the energy and motivation to start baking again. And once I got going, I realised that I was experiencing a peace that I knew was going to be healing.

That sounds quite dramatic I know, but to be blunt, my experience of giving birth was miles away from what I wanted and I found the feeding issues we encountered traumatic which meant that I spent a long time needing life to be simple and full of things that gave my whirring brain moments of peace. I was offered birth debriefs and support groups but what I needed, really, was to just bake a cake. Lots of cakes. And cookies. And traybakes. And just, well, anything I could put in an oven. I mean, sure, I also needed to read books and go for a lot of walks, and tickle my babies toes until he giggled and generally fill life with lots of nice simple things whilst navigating new parenthood and processing all that had happened. It was a concoction of healing remedies, but baking - alone and quietly just for a short moment - felt the most restorative.

And so I have baked and baked and baked. Pecan pie shortbreads and cornflake caramel slices. Brownie crinkle cookies and burnt basque cheesecake. Sheet cakes and loaf cakes and cupcakes (side note - the cupcakes came third place in a jubilee party cupcake competition judged by a ten year old… but I don’t want to gloat). My baking skills have developed, my love for baking has grown even more and my mind has calmed whilst my hands are busy.

I am finding moments of peace in bread dough and cake batter. It is forcing me to take a deep breath when I’m exhausted or the news is alarming or when the house is a mess and my baby is throwing an excessive amount of yoghurt on the floor. It is a moment for myself (and I suppose for the people who eat the baked goods), a moment to feel anchored and, ultimately, a moment to feel better.

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29 Jul 2022

Visiting The Superbloom Installation @ Tower of London

I’m not sure how many times you have to do something before it becomes a tradition but this is the third year in a row that my friend Lizzie and I have had a summer’s day out in London. Given how often we complain about our dislike for heat, one would think we might opt for a different season but apparently not. So we spend the days sweating and talking about our sweating. It’s fun. Last year was flower-themed. This year was flower-themed. We like flowers. We went to check out ‘Superbloom’ at the Tower of London; thousands of seeds sown into the tower’s moat to celebrate nature, attract pollinators and mark the Queen’s jubilee. It was very lovely. If you like flowers as much as we do, have a scroll for pretty pictures of them.