12 Random Reflections On Pregnancy

7 Dec 2021


I mean, there are many things to say about pregnancy. It can have you feeling many different things all at the same time and no experience is the same. But these are some of my random reflections on the last nearly-nine months. 

1/ I knew heartburn was a thing in pregnancy. Didn’t know it was so much of a thing that I should have bought shares in bloody Gaviscon. 

2/ I’m still not over how much is put on due dates when there is essentially a five-week window in which a full-term baby can arrive and only about 5% come on that 40-week date. Blows my mind a little bit.

3/ Midwives really like asking you for a wee. Every time I leave for an appointment, it’s like keys, purse, mask, pot of urine. I have lived in fear of ruining a handbag with my own piss, which hasn’t really been an issue in life up until now. 

4/ The narrative of trying to scare new parents-to-be about pregnancy, childbirth and the newborn days has really got to stop. There’s honesty and then there’s deliberately trying to invoke terror in someone in a vulnerable position. Not cool. 

5/ We now calculate time in weeks and days but never months. Don’t know why this is confusing for you... 

6/ The question I have been asked the most during pregnancy (aside from whether it’s a boy or a girl) is if I’ve had any weird cravings. It amuses me how disappointed people are when you say no. Even Gary seems slightly disappointed that he was never sent out to hunt for gherkins at 3am. I can only apologise. 

7/ People really want to touch your bump. It’s like their hand is pulled towards the possibility of new life like a magnet. It’s cute when it’s your friends, less cute when it’s random drunk stranger at a wedding. 

8/ The bigger I’ve got, the more off my spatial awareness has become. My error of judgement usually occurs in a cafĂ© or restaurant when I think I can squeeze between two tables or past a waitress and then suddenly I’m pressing my unborn child into somebody’s face. My bad. 

9/ I know it’s just a thing we say but the more it’s been said to me, the more bemused I’ve become by ‘sleep now, whilst you can’. Aside from the fact that I do not possess a magical power to bank my sleep hours for the future (don’t worry lads, got a full night’s sleep on 18th November 2018 so we’re all good), telling this pregnant woman to get a good night’s sleep will result in me detailing how many times I had to get up for a wee last night. You have only yourself to blame. 

10/ Do you miss alcohol? Only when surrounded by drunk people and realising how annoying they are when you’re the solitary sober person. Brie on the other hand…. We will be reunited soon my love. 

11/ I’ve been pretty lucky in that I’m still able to walk a few miles before needing to stop but my perception of how fast I’m walking is now somewhat off. I think I’m walking at my usual pace and then my Apple Watch asks me if I’ve ‘finished my workout’. Cheeky prick. 

12/ Yeah Netflix is great and all but have you ever spent several hours watching your baby move in your belly? Never gets old.